“Echoes that deafen the mind will bury my voice in their wake”.
(This was known for years and years, they never stopped it)
I do not have any chance
Uncountless fights and not winning even once
I’m far, far away from safe skies
Uncertain instincts that drown me every single day
Please help me from sinking
Please stop me, stop me from unbuilding myself
Dodging reality’s face
I blame myself for not being able to face it
Confused and worried, I am
But I gave up on trying to change any aspect from me
Please find me under the stone
Please take this, take it away from me
I don’t think I’ll last during my ceaseless renounce
My inner voice is devouring my thoughts
Can’t get away from this battlefield
And I am the only one who’s lifting the pillars of my cries
My ceaseless renounce
It’s harassing me inside, there’s no treat or aid
Help me to ride all the hate that will erase my essence
I want to feel like I felt once
I don’t want to feed all my demons
Just let me escape
Just break my binding
(Let’s see what lies behind this ceaseless renounce…)
“The child and his own battlefield, somehow incomprehensibly fed by himself. Beyond his control, the result of the two unleashing factors.”
This is the introduction to the character: The Child. A magnifying glass placed over his head to reveal his inner conflict.
I was a boy quite attached to my inner world, sometimes for better but mostly for worse, since within my own mind there
was a considerably recurring feeling of ‘wrongness.’ A constant struggle to find something — whatever it was I was searching for. That missing piece that made everything feel wrong in me.
Seeing that the people around me didn’t have the same concerns I had, neither had such a deep point of view on so many topics. But at the same time, I didn’t feel like I was ‘that big of a deal’; I didn’t see myself in any particular position. And that created a constant clash.
My conclusion was to give up, since I didn’t know what to do either; but in a way, this made what I felt even more pronounced.
I wrote the lyrics without really knowing where they were going to lead, but everything I wrote here resonated with me. Certainly, I was incapable of identifying what was truly wrong and what was causing this conflict in me.
I don’t specifically remember at what point I added the fragment, but I think I recall that it just clicked. I believe I liked honoring the artists I listened to, which eventually became a standard throughout this work.
The feeling of inner conflict expressed in Awake has always resonated deeply with me. Specifically Caught in a Web — I feel it captures well the sense of having something inside that “consumes” you, as well as the physical/emotional feeling of being trapped.