“And I’m afraid, so all alone”.
(Two different essences at two different times. Mercy for the child…)
No guide for him, everlasting insanity
She founded all bricks of disparity
Ever-changing sands for both of them
Are you lonely without her love?
Her shadow upon yours
Slowly fading from the ground
Remembering days as I always do
But today the flavour changed
Going through a deep sound
Reverberating the cracks from my inner wounds
Removing the leaves that fell
The floor is full of them
What have we done?
From one side to the other
Turbulent stares
The sand held my cries
For a very long while…
Removing the leaves that fell
The floor is dirtier than it used to
What have we done?
[Unexpected sights]
Two years since the last one
I remember your warm arms
They carried me all nights during years
Lost control, how could I even blame you?
I know you can continue the fight
Here by our side you can make the sun bright
You brought life for me
I live now for you
[Helplessly standing… Will insanity reach you? Tell me you’re still there…]
When will she be let out?
(We know this story, once again written)
Her ceaseless renounce
It won’t stop the wounds… Her soul won’t hold on
Help her to ride all the pain that harassed herself
She doesn’t want to feel this again
She won’t get better
“This is the first part of the dream. Motherhood, her embrace and her sands...”
First of the two unleashing factors.
Years after the separation, I discovered that my mother was mentally ill, and with something serious. Years before the news, I had grown very distant from her. I held against her many things she had done wrong to me. And even with her being ill, I developed a great insensitivity towards her. Between the two of us, there wasn’t much left.
These lyrics emerged, once again, as a surprise to me. Something I believed did not affect me much was perhaps one of the most serious things in my life. But I hid it— my mind hid it from myself. Or perhaps I simply didn’t feel that much emotional weight; maybe that was the more serious issue. Something didn’t fit.
When writing it, perhaps I wrote the things I would want to say to her— if I felt anything.
She has tried to kill herself many times.
As such, the music was composed many months after writing the lyrics. There is a time gap between the first half of Oasis Reduced and the second, just as there is a time gap between Oasis Reduced and Old Memories. By this point, my life was reaching a critical point in terms of mental health.
I stopped attending classes in order to finish composing this letter of forgiveness.
"Hold On To My Heart" expresses a deep desire for affection and an embrace when there is no one else around.
The Crimson Idol was highly influential in the creation of this work, I guess it goes to show.